Nowhere to Be Found

The Story Behind The Song 

Most of my songs are about the things I've lived through, but this one is about a version of my life that I wished for. I wrote it during one of my lowest points with the hope that one day I wouldn't have to struggle anymore, and the obtrusive thoughts and feelings would be gone, and would no longer get in the way of the life I want to live.

The “you” in this song is the mental illness I have been battling against my whole life. I personified it, since living with mental illness can sometimes feel like you're sharing your brain with a bully, but instead of letting it win, in this song I explore the idea of letting it go, and how freeing that would be.

When I wrote this song, I wasn't sure I'd ever get to that point, but since then, things have gotten better, and worse, and better again. I'm sure they will get worse again, but this song serves as a reminder that no matter how bad life gets, it does get better. Although I will always have a mental disorder, I don't have to let it define me, or my life.

Credits   

Performed by Ren McLean   

Lyrics and Music by Lauren McLean   

Drums by Mike Lasaponara

Co-Produced by Johnny Cummings and Ren McLean

Mixed and Mastered by Sam Polizzi

Cover Art Photography: Olivia Milholland

Nowhere to Be Found: Music, Lyrics and Sound Recording are © 2024, All Rights Reserved. 

Lyrics

The painter in my head

Paints my haunted dreams

Brushstrokes of dread

And a portrait of me

Standing at the edge

All I hear are echoes

They beg for this to end

But I can’t let go

But I let go

And you’re nowhere to be found 

Silence has never been such a sweet sound

Checked the gravesite I dug straight down

And you’re nowhere to be found

No you’re nowhere to be found

Fought tooth and nail to get here

The ground I walked volcanic

I choked on ash and tears

But I was careful and did not swallow panic 

Fingers recoil into fists to soil the cracks 

Six feet below but I fear you’ll crawl right back

But you’re nowhere to be found 

Silence has never been such a sweet sound

Checked the gravesite I dug straight down

And you’re nowhere to be found

No you’re nowhere to be found

So cry me a river of words

Your lies they splinter like driftwood

And I won’t drink from these wells

That’s where the venom truly dwells

So clench your claws round my neck

Such phantom pains had me a wreck

That’s all they are myths of mind

Myths you had me follow blind

A stubborn fool that you are

Stone dead with a beating heart

But life is well on higher ground

Cause you’re nowhere to be found